Today as I had to face everything that hurt me, everything that has been tearing me down for months on end... I realized I was at fault for me not healing. I still head a death grip on a tiny piece of my past that I did not want to let go of. Do you know how hard that is? To realize you are hurting YOURSELF?!?!
Yeah, I also had someone help point it out to me. They didn't say I was in a deep mess, that I was in trouble, or any of the sorts...They said I was in a battle.
Surprisingly now, this doesn't hurt me. At one point in time I was at a war. What's the difference? A war is a bunch of battles all together. A battle...is well.... a battle. A single fight. That means I am at the end of my fight. The end of my long, painful run. I am almost done, but here comes my death grip.
Me being that crazy hopeless romantic that remembers all the happy times and not the time I have been hurting over it...still has a death grip on this fight. I don't want the fight to be done! Come on!!! Obviously this person meant something to me if I kept them in my life for so long! Who says they still can't be the same? I can answer my question in one word:
Time.
Time changes everything. Physically...mentally...emotionally. It just does. It makes us grow apart or grow closer. Sadly I am on the road that leads us astray, but I am tugging on that rope to pull us closer... That's only running us into a barrier of hurt, except they can't feel it. If they aren't fighting anymore, then why would they feel the pain? Huh? They are going on with their happy little life. I think it's my turn.
It's my turn to stop being at fault for my not healing. It's time to take of the band-aid. Air out my wound and let it scar. So I can tell everyone once and for all how I got stronger. I can finally say,
"I got this scar right here from a battle... I won..."
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